As requested

For the crazy person who emailed this blog asking for more photos, mostly of Jon, here you go!

We'll be back next year (2007) with Tour de Fat III - Italy and Beyond.


Choc and Dave in Paris


Jon in Lyon


Jon and Dave prepare for the Galibier


Jon and Former World Road Champ Camenzind


A good meal in Switzerland!


Posing in Paris


Dave fixes a tyre blow-out while Choc rests


Into the abyss!


Choc and Dave on the road down from Kausen


Jon on the Klausen Pass


Bavaria


Getting merry...


Vienna the night before we roll.

Lyon - An End of Sorts

The End!

On Monday 24 July 2006 the three riders of the Tour de Fat Part 2, Dave Sewell, Jon Wadelton and Andrew "Choc" Royal completed the formal part of the adventure. After 18 stages over 21 days, four countries, 5 major climbs and countless smaller ones, a total of 1867.3km, 5 bottles of sunblock lotion and hundreds of litres of uniformly revolting sports drinks, we rolled into Lyon and settled in for a well-earned rest.

The final day was another scorcher and we all cracked a little in the heat with the end in sight. Things got a little strange when at our first break of the day after 53km uninterupted by a traffic light, stop sign or any stop whatsoever, Choc developed a craving for tinned sweet corn and anchovies, which he duly bought and scraped into his mouth by any means possible. Jon and I fueled on the nutritional goodness of a couple of ice creams and we remounted to continue our progress up the valley of the Rhone. Unsurprisingly after such a recuperative break I began to feel quite faint in the heat and had to take a few minutes out to catch my breath, but catch it I did and we pushed on in the direction of France's second biggest urban metropolis.

After passing the confluence of the Rhone and the Saone where one can see the two distinctly coloured rivers meet and blend into one, we pulled up outside the Smoking Dog Pub in the old part of town, Vieux Lyon and immediately downed a well-deserved pint of beer.

Stage 18 - Tournon sur Rhone to Vieux Lyon = 103.4km

Now the Tour is officially over, but we must all make our own ways to Paris; Choc and Jon departed on Thursday for four days' riding in the direction of Dijon and then Nancy before picking up a train service to take them the remaining kilometres into Paris as we all felt the risk of heavy traffic and the rewards of the flat and uninspiring terrain surrounding the capital are not worth the effort. I will follow in their wheel tracks some days later after the wedding of my good friends Joel and Aurelie in a chateau east of Lyon.

When we have all met up again I will add a final entry or two to conclude the entire Vienna to Paris odyssey, but until then good riding and goodbye.

Dave, Jon and Choc.

The Hard Days Continue

Just when we thought that we could not put ourselves through any more agony and suffering, today brought with it renewed efforts to turn the screws just a little tighter. As I am sure you are aware by now, Europe is experiencing something of a heatwave, so every stage of the Tour de Fat has been run in consistantly intense heat; today, like every other day, saw the mercury rise to over 40c under the full glare of the sun.

Not being content with the previous two days that took in the Cols de la Medeleine, du Telegraphe and du Galibier, this morning we got up and had l'Alpe d'Huez for breakfast, literally. With only a glass of orange juice and a Coke to sustain us we rode the one kilometre out of town to the Alpe and got smacked right between the eyes by the first couple of kilometres of what is quite a tough little climb.

The beauty of l'Alpe d'Huez is that at only 14km it is not too long: even though it is steep one doesn't suffer like on the climbs that stretch over 20km. We all enjoyed it as much as a poke in the eye, but compared to the others it was fun. At least when you reach the ski village it flattens out and you can click into a big gear, zip up your jersey and sprint for the line like a Tour champion, even if we are far from worrying the likes of Landis and his pals. Once again Choc took the prize, but this time I shook up the standings a little and came in second. Final standings in our King of the Mountains competition:

Klausen Pass - Jon 3 points; Choc 2 points; Dave 1 point
Col de la Madeleine - Choc 3; Jon 2; Dave 1
Col du Telegraph/ Galibier - Choc 3; Jon 2; Dave 1
l'Alpe d'Huez (double points) - Choc 6; Dave 4; Jon 2

Total - Choc 14; Jon 9; Dave 7

If that wasn't enough we came back down the mountain, clipped on the bags and assorted luggage and rolled out of town in the direction of Lyon. We figured that Lyon was a two-day ride, but we never expected to be dining tonight on the banks of the Rhone at Tournon sur Rhone; despite our best intentions, we ended the day having covered 186.7km, including the Alpe d'Huez, making today one of the toughest.

And now the greater part of our adventure draws to close. After another 100km tomorrow we will reach Lyon and separate to make our own ways to Paris, by bike of course.

Stage17 - L'Alpe d'Huez to Tournon sur Rhone = 186.7km

Cheers,
Dave, Choc, Jon

l'Alpe d'Huez - the closest we'll ever get to a top 3 finish in the Tour de France.


Le Bourg d'Oisans - there is a constant reminder of the pain to come.


The serpentine road to Hell, or the Col du Galibier depending on your point of view.


Never again.


Training for the Galibier in the Hotel on the Col de la Madeleine...

Across the Alps

It has been a number of days since the last entry, but the Tour de Fat waits for no man or woman and since we left Montreux we have put in some significant kilometres.

I do not have much time to fill you in on every detail, so I will do my best to give you an idea.

Western Europe has been experiencing a heatwave and after a rest day in Montreux we awoke on Tuesday to another blazing day in the sun, the hottest thus far. We had decided to make the run around the southern shores of Lake Geneva, which meant we expierienced the peculiar sensation of entering France only to cross back into Switzerland to reach Geneva.

There was very little time to explore Geneva and from the look of the people clad in very expensive outfits, we wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway. As we rolled out of town the temperature under the full force of the sun was reaching 47c and it was with no uncertain amount of annoyance that we crossed into France again only to discover a long shallow climb of maybe 12km before plunging down into Annecy.

Stage 13 - Montreux to Annecy = 135km

Annecy provided some unexpected relief when, much to our surprise, the British guy sharing our room informed us that it was Tuesday, not Wednesday. Somehow we had miscounted our days and brought ourselves into the rest town a day early. The pressure was off and we enjoyed a few drinks while discussing the transition of our panniers, tents and so on, over the Alps. And so it was on Thursday that we hired a car and drove around the Alps to le Bourg d'Oisans to leave our luggage at the hotel we would stay at on Saturday night; after the Bastard Pass it was decided there was no way we were going over the Alps with the bags!

We arrived back in Annecy with enough time to make some minor repairs to the bikes and roll the easy 50km to Albertville, our gateway to the Alps.

Stage 14 - Annecy to Albertville = 50.7km

It's hard to believe that anything ever happened in Albertville, let alone an Olympic Games and it was with this thought that we rolled out of town bound for our first serious climb of the Tour, Le Col de la Madeleine.

The Madeleine was tough: 27km in the baking heat with a gradient rising at times to 9%. Choc set the pace and never relinquished the lead, followed by Jon with yours truly some way back in third. I'm afraid that I am not built for climbing! However, I drop like a stone on the descents, even if I climb like one too... We were only too happy to find our hotel halfway down the mountain, the delightful Chalet d'Augistine in the little mountain hamlet of le Planet. We spent an enjoyable evening with the proprietors drinking and chatting as best we could with our patchy French.

Stage 15 - Albertville to Le Planet (Le Col de la Madelaine) = 74.3km; Choc and Jon - 9 standard drinks; Dave - 5 standard drinks

If anyone ever asks me to climb the Col du Telegraphe/ Col du Galibier double again, I will politely decline pleading an appointment for a prostate examination with a blind doctor holding a nail file. I think I speak for all of us when I say that this was the most difficult thing we have ever done. Period. The Telegraph kicks off hard, but is reasonable over its 12km rise before a fast 5km descent into the town of Valloire. But then it gets serious... The Galibier proper snarls and kicks for 17km with a sting in the tail that rises to 10% only 1800m from the top. The road rises to a massive 2645m and you can feel the thinner air. If someone asks me if they should attempt it, in answer I shall cackle madly and shuffle off to get drunk in the nearest establishment suited to the purpose.

Luckily the descent off the Galibier to the Col du Lautaret was fast and furious followed by another 40km down to the valley of the Oisans. If luck has shone on us this trip it was with Choc's broken spoke only 15km from the finish, neatly twisted into a ball that did no further damage.

Stage 16 - Le Planet to Le Bourg d'Oisans (Le Col du Telegraph & le Col du Galibier) = 123.6km

I write to you from Le Bourg d'Oisans, the village at the base of l'Alpe d'Huez. We're sipping beer and considering making the ascent in the morning. Of course we will do it, but after the Galibier I am cured of Alpine Cols forever.

Switzerland Draws to a Close

"We all came out to Montreux,
On the Lake Geneva shoreline,
To make records with a mobile,
Yeah, we didn't have much time."

Smoke on the Water
Words & music by Ritchie Blackmore, Ian Gillan, Roger Glover, Jon Lord and Ian Paice
DEEP PURPLE, 1972


On Sunday we woke in Interlaken and decided that we had had enough of the Swiss countryside. We rolled out of town in the shadow of the Eiger and headed in the direction of Lake Geneva.

This was meant to be an easy day, but once again the temperature in the sun was reaching 38c making every kilometre a strength-sapping exercise. We had checked the profile of the stage and it had appeared to offer nothing more than a gradual climb to a pass at about 1050m. In reality it turned out to be 15km of steady climbing punctuated with some fairly sharp sections for good measure. With the heat rising and our legs feeling all of the luggage and every one of the 1000km covered so far, we suffered to the crest of the pass before the respite of the gentle descent into Saanen, near Gstaad.

We found some replenishment at a delightful bakery on the main street of Saanen and made the decision to attempt to reach Montreux on Lake Geneva. The profile looked in our favour and it would free up an extra day for rest. Unfortunately, we didn't expect the atrocious head-wind that we encountered as we left Saanen, making the next 40km into Bulle a total son-of-a-bitch. However, despite tempers that we could only just contain in the rising heat, we pushed on and emerged onto the Lake Geneva shoreline having covered 163km.

The French-speaking Swiss are a remarkable lot. One instantly notices the difference between the French-speaking cantons and the predominant German ones. The people are clearly closer to their French cousins across the border, with a more laissez-faire approach to life and an expressiveness that is more French than Swiss. Yet there are differences to the French: I was surprised and amused to see a couple parking their car, the woman standing on the footpath making sure that her partner parked exactly within the space designated by the lines – hardly a French characteristic, I’m sure you’ll agree.

So, here we are in Montreux and in typical Tour de Fat style we arrived the day after the 40th Montreux Jazz Festival closed. We enjoyed a fabulous meal at an Italian restaurant on the water front and watched the road crews pack up the staging and lights and head out of town in a procession of semi-trailers. I’m sure it would have been worth visiting and so I will leave you today with a recommendation to visit Montreux during the Jazz Festival as there is little else to keep one entertained otherwise.

Stage 12 – Interlaken to Montreux 163.7km

Switzerland comes to a close.


Relaxing on the shore of Lake Geneva, the French Alps in the background.


Relaxing with the Gersau Cycling Club, 98 World Champ Oscar Camenzind in the middle.


Dave indulges in some energy food according to his training program.


Jonnie waiting for his brakes to cool a little on the descent from the Klausen Pass.


The Klausen "Bastard" Pass is up there somewhere...

Gersau - Fate Takes a Hand

After the Klausen Pass it started to rain at an incredible rate. Refuge was taken at a bike store where the affable chap in charge did some minor repairs to the brakes on Dave's old touring clunker.

It was decided that the safest way around the lake was across it and so we jumped on board a restored paddle steamer that took us leisurely to the town of Gersau, about 17km further around the shore.

With the Bastard Pass still in our legs we trailed into a youth hostel run by a ditsy woman and Grumble Stiltskin, the total prick of customer service. Having discovered that the only place to eat was in the town centre, we jumped back on our bikes and headed in. We had never been out for dinner in our cycling gear or on our bikes, but we were stuffed and couldn't be bothered with the effort of changing. And this was when fate played its hand. The prices on the shore-front were ridiculous, so we turned up the hill and into the backstreets. While standing in front of a seedy looking hotel a woman appeared and told us in Swiss German to go up the hill and look for a restaurant on the right hand side. This was probably the first thing we had understood anyone say in Swiss German and as we rode up the hill we could hear her voice urging us on a little further.

We came into an open space and there before us was a restaurant terrace populated with the finest riders of the Gersau Cycling Club, resplendent in full cycling regalia after the final stage of their yearly jaunt to France. They immediately recognised us as fellow cyclists as we had not bothered to change, and invited us into their company for a beer.

What a fun night! Obviously being athletes we all drank a bucket load of beer and ate things drizzled with melted cheese. We discovered that one of their number was Oscar Camenzind, 1998 World Road Cycling Champion, winner of the 2000 Tour de Suisse, and the man that we will always remember as the one to introduce us to "schnupf"or scented snorting tobacco. So here's a big thanks to Caesar, Spartaco, Rene, Roland and the boys and girls of the Gersau Cycling club for making Switzerland a great place to be. We want to reserve a special thanks to Oscar for the jersey and a story to impress the cycling crew back in Melbourne. Cheers!

We write to you from Interlaken with only 200km of Switzerland remaining before we meet with our destiny in the French Alps.

Stage 11 - 81.7km

Glarus to Altdorf - The Bastard Pass

In the last post we indicated that we would never be afraid of riding anywhere on a bike again; how wrong we were...

We left Glarus accompanied by the ever-present smell of cow shit, which the Swiss farmers spray prodigiously on their grass. One wonders why considering the striking absence of any cows in the fields; they must be in the sheds producing the spray.

Fear gripped the three riders of the Tour de Fat as we crawled west up the valley away from Glarus, hemmed in by towering rock faces that disappeared into the clouds. The extra beer of the night before had ensured a maximum speed of only 20km/h as we gazed ahead trying to guess towards which summit we were about to ascend. Jonnie took the prize and led us onto the road to the Klausen Pass, which for a frightening moment was paved with cobble stones.

The stones were replaced with smooth, hot tarmac after the first couple of corners and then the gradient smacked us squarely between the eyes. I think we would have to be honest and say that it wasn't the steepest of climbs at around 7 or 8% gradient, but it dragged on for 22km with only a brief respite through a river valley half-way up. Choc and Dave took the early pace-making, which was no mean feat considering the 15kg of luggage, but it was Jonnie who stormed home in the brutal final 5km to take the King of the Mountains points, followed by Choc with Dave trailing in several minutes down after cracking spectacularly at "Cows with Silly Loud Bells" Corner. (That's where the f##kers have got to!)

The descent was manic for the first 7km, the road hewn from the rock leaving a sheer drop off the left-hand side with only a bar for a barrier that was just the right height to send a cyclist flying off the edge minus his bike. It was nervy stuff with the camping equipment trying to overtake us in every bend, but we managed to descend to the tree line before Dave blew out his front tyre, only just managing to catch it all together before disaster struck. Minor repairs completed, we finally emerged from the 24km drop and onto the shores of lake Urner See.

For our Australian cycling friends, the Dandenong Ranges are not a pimple on the arse of the Bastard Pass (appropriately renamed by our own King of the Mountain).

Stage 10 - 97km

Photos

Dinner near Appenzell in Switzerland.


Leaving Germany, contemplating the Swiss Alps.


Choifa on the way into Ottobeuren.


The consumption of small animals...


Munich Beer Garden.

Switzerland

The lightning didn't end our tour and so we woke in Lindau to the task of repacking our panniers now that the departure of Tommy meant we were going to have to carry our own luggage over the Swiss and French Alps. We contemplated an early end to the life of our tents and accessories in favour of hotels, but finally decided to push on fully loaded, minus the light reading (what were we thinking??).

The lake glistened under the morning sun as we made our way around to the Swiss border and I for one was wondering how the hell I was going to lug 15kg of unnecessary crap like a tent, shoes and clothes over the Alps. It had certainly crossed our minds to complete the rest of the tour in one sharp looking lycra cycling outfit and shoes; at least one wouldn't have to get undressed for the showers anymore...

We will never be afraid of riding anywhere on a bicycle again. Switzerland offered us 8km of flat road before a breath-taking 5km climb at 10% gradient. It was f&#king hot, there is no other way to put it, with the temperature in the sun rising to 38c. But this was just the introduction: we had another 60km of steep hills and rapid decents before we stumbled on a campsite at the base of some stony alpine cliffs somewhere just outside of a town called Appenzell. Dining on something that was constituted from potatoes, cheese, sausages and noodles was a blessing and sleep came rapidly to all. I want to take this opportunity to say that I am forever indebted to Simon and the guys at the Specialized Concept Store for stuffing up and putting a 12-27 cassette on my bike and not a 12-25; they know what I mean. Stage 8 - 94.7km

I write to you today from Glarus at the base of the Klausen Pass. It was another day of hard riding on what passes for rolling terrain in Switzerland, but for the rest of us is like a lung-busting climb every ten minutes. The Swiss Tourist Information offices have been uniformly disinterested in offering anything but the barest minimum of assistance and it seems that a laundromat is about as common as seeing John Howard in a red leather G-string at St Tropez.

We are off for some food so we will leave you with some photos and us to contemplate tomorrow's ascent of the Klausen Pass. Stage 9 - 92.6km

Munich to Switzerland

Munich had been a great place for our rest day and a huge thanks goes out to Daniel, Stefan & Baerbl, Andy and all of their friends for making it a memorable weekend.

Le Tour de Fat rolled out of Munich on Monday 10 July with the riders making good time down to the pretty town of Ottobeuren where we spent the night in the youth hostel and enjoyed a couple of ends of petanque, much to the bemusement of the locals and probably to the annoyance of the town maintenance staff after we scuffed their perfect gravel town square. Stage 6 - 91.1km

Tuesday brought with it high temperatures on the run down to the town of Lindau and ended with drama when our directeur sportif Tommy Henri abandoned the tour (see separate story below). Tempers were fraying somewhat and when a little, middle-aged man in stupid sandles pushed in front of me in the queue at the campsite office, he will never know how close he came from having a CO2 cannister inserted in his fundamental orifice and let off, much to the amusement of everyone behind him, I'm sure. However, the tour goes on and with the alps ahead of us we spent a very fine evening on Lindau Insel, a perfect little village on the Bodensee making it back to the tents in time for an almighty thunder storm that had us convinced we were moments away from being sizzled by a lightning strike and forever avoiding climbing the Alps. Stage 7 - 102.3km

Illness Strikes Le Tour!

Illness has struck le Tour de Fat with unexpected results. Tommy Henri, directeur sportif and designated support crew has abandoned the Tour creating the unusual situation of the broom wagon being broom-wagoned... Tommy will be missed and we wish him well in his recovery from an ongoing ailment and hope that one day we can say to him: on ya bike, mate!